The Astonishing Race
by WildAngels
Summary: Join eight teams of Harry Potter characters including Ron and Hermione and Harry and Draco as they race around the magical and Muggle world. From the author who brought you "Hogwarts' Next Top Witch"!
1. Meet the Teams

The Astonishing Race

Chapter 1: Getting Acquainted with the Teams

Author's notes: I do not own Harry Potter or The Amazing Race. This story takes place in present time so Harry and friends are 29. I've tried to keep things as close to cannon as possible, but as you will see, I have changed a few things. I blatantly stole material from Brokeback Mountain (but only because I love it so).

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Hello, and welcome to The Astonishing Race where eight teams of two will compete for a million galleons in a race around the magical and Muggle world! Join your host, Lee Jordan, as we follow the teams on an amazing trek around the globe! Teams will travel with the packs on their backs and are only allowed to use their wands when given permission. If a team fails to obey this rule, they will be disqualified. At the end of each leg, there will be a Pit Stop. The last team to check into the Pit Stop may be eliminated. Let's meet the teams, shall we?

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, life partners and Hogwarts alumni who used to be mortal enemies.

"Draco and I officially got together a few months ago," Harry tells the Confession Cam, "but we'd been sneaking around behind my ex-wife's back for years." He looks guilty. "I never meant to hurt Ginny, honest, it's just sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with!"

Draco nods as he strokes a little butterscotch-colored dog in his lap. "This is true. Harry always thought I hated him when we attended Hogwarts together, but the truth was, I was just jealous! Jealous of his flying skills; jealous of him being the only first year to play Quidditich; jealous of his friendship with Ron and Hermione; jealous of him only having eyes for Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley."

Harry turns red. "Oh, stop. You know I only have eyes for you now." He leans over and gives Draco a quick peck on the cheek before looking at the camera again. "Draco and I reconnected a couple of years ago when we both helped Charlie Weasley herd dragons on Fireball Island. We spent many days alone together and did a lot of talking, and well, one thing led to another..."

"And our lives were never the same after that summer on Fireball Island," Draco finishes. "We both told each other we weren't queers even though I had *beep*ed Harry in the *beep* several times and he gave me several *beep beep*."

Harry gives Draco an annoyed look. "Honestly, Draco, must you tell everyone what we do behind closed doors?"

"Well, we're out and we're proud," Draco replies. "Why must we be ashamed of it? Everyone knows that we're a gay couple.. Although I still don't understand why some of are Muggle-loving friends refer to Fireball Island as Brokeback Island."

"Draco refuses to watch movies; they're too Muggle for him," Harry explains to the camera. He turns to Draco and grumbles, "Yes, but must we share it with the entire Wizarding World?" He reaches over and pats the dog who gives a little yip. "Of course, it wasn't always so easy for us to be so open about our relationship. When we first, uh, hooked up, we were both married and had kids. Draco and I had to lie to our wives in order to see each other. We weren't proud of ourselves and I wish I knew how to quit him, but that was impossible. We resorted to lying to our wives and telling them we were going to Quidditich matches together, but I think they suspected something was going on between us."

"And I'm pretty sure Ginny saw us making out that one time," Draco adds. He looks sheepishly at the camera. "It had been so long since we'd seen each other that when we hugged, our mouths just sort of found each other. I wasn't even thinking that Harry's wife had a front-row view of us from the front door. I have reason to suspect that she told Astoria about it because whenever I mentioned Harry to her, she's call him "Harry Nasty." So it probably comes to no surprise that we divorced our wives so we could be with each other."

Harry looks at Draco sharply. "You never told me that Astoria called me that." He frowns.

"Anyway," Draco continues, ignoring Harry. "If there's somebody out there who taught Harry and me that it's perfectly okay to be yourself, then that would be the great Albus Dumbledore, Merlin rest his soul. He was a homosexual and one of the greatest Wizards of all time."

"He was the Wizarding World's answer to Harvey Milk," Harry adds.

"Who's that?" asks Draco.

"I'll explain later." Harry nods at the dog. "Why don't you tell them about Quagmire."

"Oh, yes." Draco lifts up the small dog. "This is our laber-doodle, Quagmire. He's our good-luck charm. We're Team Quagmire!"

"We know we can't bring him on the race, so that's why we're bringing this photo of him." Harry holds up a photo of Quagmire who is scratching his ear while sleeping. "Isn't he adorable?"

"Not as adorable as you," Draco tells him as he tousles Harry's messy black hair with his fingers. "Harry and I want to be on this race because we want to show the world it's okay to be different; it's okay for a Gryffindor and a Slytherin to fall in love, that we can do anything that others can."

"And I want to make amends with my best friend Ron," Harry admits. "Ever since I divorced his sister to be with Draco, he hasn't been too keen on me. I'm hoping t hat this race will both give us peace."

Draco rolls his eyes. "Would you just forget about the Weasel? He's never going to accept us!"

"But he's one of my best friends!" Harry exclaims. "Until he stopped talking to me."

That brings us to our next team, married couple and Hogwarts alumni, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger-Weasley.

"Hermione and I love a good adventure; just ask any of our former professors at Hogwarts!" Ron tells the Confession Cam, laughing. "That's one of the reasons we decided to be on the race.

"And we also love a challenge," Hermione adds. "Especially one that enriches the mind."

Ron rolls his eyes at the camera.

"Ron, did you just roll your eyes?" Hermione asks, turning sharply to him.

"No, dear, of course not." Ron puts his arm around his wife's shoulders and gives her a kiss on the cheek. "In fact I know we're going to win this race. With my brawn and Hermione's brains and our added beauty-"

Hermione snorts at this.

Ron continues, ignoring her. "-we're bound to go far in this race. Nobody on this race is as clever as my Hermione." He beams proudly at his wife who blushes in return.

"Though as wonderful as it would be to win the race and the amazing experience we'll be sure to have, one of the main reasons we signed up for this is so Ron can find peace with Harry."

Ron scowls and leans back in his chair, arms crossed. "Hermione, I told you, I'm not talking to that backstabbing git ever again!"

"But Ron, he's your best friend! And you haven't talked to him for nearly two years!"

"Was," Ron corrected. "He cheated on my sister with Draco Malfoy!"

"Ginny's learned to forgive Harry and she's happy now with Neville."

"But Hermione, Harry's uh, fraternizing with Draco Malfoy! Our enemy from Hogwarts? Or did you forget the way he treated you back then?"

"Come on, Ron, Draco's changed now. He saved our lives in the Room of Requirement and he's apologized to me for calling me those names."

"Only because Harry told him to," Ron mutters. He looks at the camera. "I say once a git, always a git!"

Hermione mutters a quick silent spell so Ron won't be able to hear what she's about to say next. "I know Ron misses Harry and he wants to be friends with him again, it's just that he's so stubborn! And even though he would never admit it, I think Ron's a little jealous that Harry chose Draco over him even though Ron's with me, and well, I can't even imagine Ron enjoying *beep beep beep beep*." She blushes and lifts the spell off of Ron.

Our next team is married couple Bill and Fleur Weasley, nee Delacour.

"We may not be ze smartest team or ze most azletic-" Fleur begins for the Confession Cam.

"I beg to differ," Bill interrupts. "I'm very athletic and you were in the TriWizard Tournament, after all!"

"Zis eese true." Fleur nods in agreement. "But one cannot deny we are zey most beautiful team!" She flashed her pearly white teeth at the camera. "And I zink ze scars my 'usband 'as from ze werewolf makes 'im all ze more manly and rugged." She runs her hand over his arm. "Eet eese so sexy! We 'ave been married for twelve years and everyday still feels like our 'oneymoon!"

"I'm surprised we don't have more than three kids," Bill jokes. "The way you always ravish me every night!" He winks at the camera.

"Beeell!" Fleur shrieks in delight. "Zey do not need to know about our active love life! Your mozzer could be wazzcing!"

Bill clears his throat. "Maybe you could edit this part out? Please?"

Meet our next team, father and daughter pair, Xenophilius and Luna Lovegood.

"I said to my Luna, 'Luna, can you imagine the wonderful stories we could get for The Quibbler by traveling to all these wonderful and amazing places?''" Mr. Lovegood looks at the camera with wide, wild eyes. "So when we were invited to be on this race, of course I said yes!"

"This is going to be fun and a great way to make new friends," muses Luna. "I do love making new friends. And I just know that we're going to finally find a Crumple-Horned Snorkack!"

Ah, yes, onto our next team...meet former Hogwarts professors Minerva McGonagall and Horace Slughorn.

"I taught Transfiguration at Hogwarts for forty-two years; was head of Gryffindor House for eight," McGonagall explains to the Confession Cam. "I have since retired, but Miss Clearwater is doing a wonderful job as the new Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts."

"And I," Slughorn interrupts, "taught Potions at Hogwarts during the '60s and '70s, and was lured from retirement during the '90s. I was also Head of Slytherin for a year. I chose to go on this race with Minerva, because who could ask for a better partner? Besides the wise and great Albus Dumbledore, of course, but seeing as he's not here..." he trails off sadly.

McGonagall pats his back softly. "It's been twelve years since Albus died, but we all still miss him terribly. And in a way, I'm doing this race because of him. He always believed in me and I want to show him, that even at the age of eighty-four, I'm still capable of going on this amazing adventure."

Now isn't that inspiring? Our next team is also one that will lift your spirits. Meet Arthur Weasley, who works for the Ministry of Magic, and his son, George Weasley.

"When I heard about this race, I jumped at the chance to be a part of it, especially when I learned when we would be visiting Muggle places," Mr. Weasley tells the Confession Cam. "I just absolutely love anything that has to do with Muggles; they are so interesting! I easily had my choice of who to pick as my partner, well, except for Bill and Ron, of course, since they would already be racing with their wives. But I had my choice of Molly or Charlie or Percy or Ginny, though I'm sure she wouldn't go since Harry's also on the race and she tries to avoid him as much as possible ever since..." He trails off, looking embarrassed.

"Dad invited me," George jumps in. "Actually, my wife, Angelina, suggested it. She said it's something Fred would have wanted me to do. 'You know Fred would never pass up on this adventure, so why should you, George?' she told me. And I know she's right." He pauses, clearly choked up. Arthur puts a reassuring hand on his son's shoulder. "I lost my twin brother when I was twenty. It was the worst day of my life and honestly, time hasn't healed the pain since Fred died, but I get through each and every day with the love and support of my family and my loving wife. Angelina used to date Fred when we were all students at Hogwarts. After he died, she and I became close and we bonded over the connection we had with Fred."

"I'm very proud of George," Arthur says. "The pain of losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare, but to lose your own twin, your other half, well, I couldn't even imagine." He starts to get choked up now and this time George puts his arms around his dad.

"Dad and I are doing this race for George," he explains.

Our next team are friends Lavender Brown and Padma Patil.

"Originally I was supposed to race with my twin sister, Parvati," Padma tells the Confession Cam.

Lavender shakes her head. "Not true. Parvati had chosen to race with me because I'm her best friend." She looks at the camera and explains, "We've been best friends since we were eleven and sorted into Gryffindor together."

"Parvati would never choose her best friend over her own twin sister!" Padma replies haughtily.

"Padma and I got into a fight over who would get to go on the race with Parvati," Lavender admits. "Finally she just chose us to go with each other because she didn't want to make the person she wouldn't choose angry at her."

"Being the only all-female team, we know we're going to have to work harder than some of the other teams," Padma says. "We may not have the strength most of them possess, but we're going to try our hardest to get far."

"After I won a little competition called Hogwarts' Next Top Witch when I was sixteen-" Lavender smiles smugly, "I know anything is possible.

Padma rolls her eyes. "That was over ten years ago! Why do you still bring that up? Nobody cares anymore!"

Lavender looks into the camera and mouths, "She's just jealous."

And finally, we have married couple and parents of Draco, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.

Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy sit on their couch, not speaking. Narcissa looks uncomfortable and Lucius has an irritated expression on his face.

"I still don't understand why I have to go on this ghastly race," he finally speaks up, grumbling. "The idea of visiting places where Muggles reside-" he shudders, "is enough to make me want to drink a cauldron of Acromantula venom."

"Oh, Lucius, stop being so over-dramatic," Narcissa tells him. She looks at the Confession Cam and rolls her eyes. "Ever since the Dark Lord was defeated, Lucius has come to realize that family is the most important thing in his life."

"My therapist suggested that this race would be good for me," Lucius says. "Poppycock, I say! Do you know how difficult my life is? I spent time in Azkaban, I was mocked and embarrassed by the most powerful wizard who ever lived, and to top it all off, my only son tells me he's in love with bloody Harry Potter!" His face turns red and a vein pops out in his forehead.

His wife takes his hand and says soothly, "I thought we agreed that we would support Draco with whatever makes him happy."

"You know I'm trying to do that, Narcissa. It's bad enough that my son likes *beep*, but why does he have to do that with Harry bloody Potter?" He pauses. "Though I suppose it could be worse. He could be *beep*ing that Weasley boy." He shudders again.

Narcissa pats his shoulder. "Perhaps this race will take your mind off things like your therapists suggests."

Now that you've met the teams, it's time to start the race! All eight teams are now gathered at the starting point, King's Cross Station.

Their host, Lee Jordan, greets them. "Hello everyone and welcome to the Astonishing Race! Are you ready to embark on this great journey that's ahead of you?"

Everyone cheers except for Lucius Malfoy who looks sullen.

"As you know, you will be racing around the world, journeying to both magical and Muggle places," Lee tells the racers. "You have already been told that you can only use your wand when permitted. Failure to not comply by this rule will result in your immediate dismissal. Your knapsacks have also been scanned to make sure you have not used any enchantments on them to make them fit more stuff, lighter, or what have you. Now when I give you the signal, you may run to one of these eight cars that have a clue waiting for each team. On your mark...get set...go!"


	2. The First Leg

The Astonishing Race

Chapter 2: Bonjour, Paris!

The second Lee screams "go", all eight teams scramble to one of the eight cars parked at King's Cross Station.

Harry and Draco are the first to reach their car and clue. Harry rips open the envelop and reads, "Drive to Heathrow Airport and fly to Paris, France. When you have arrived, find the Statue of Liberty for your next clue."

"Beeell! We are going to Paris!" exclaims Fleur with giddy delight. "J'adore Paris!"

"Isn't the Statue of Liberty in New York?" asks Ron.

"Yes, but France gave it to the United States as a gift," Hermione explains. "They have a smaller replica. And I know where it is! I've been to Paris!"

"We get to go on an airbird, George!" Arthur whoops. "I've always wanted to go on an airbird!"

"Airplane, Dad," George corrects.

"Good thing I've had practice driving the Ford Anglia!" Arthur exclaims as the teams climb into their cars and start them.

Ron and Hermione, Harry and Draco, George and Arthur, Bill and Fleur, Slughorn and McGonagall, and Lavender and Padma are the first teams to start their cars and head to Heathrow.

Confession Cam:

"Luckily there was an instruction manual in the car, so that helped us out a lot," Padma tells the audience.

Luna and Xenophilius are calm as they try to figure out hard to start the car.

Confession Cam:

Explains Luna, "Dad and I weren't familiar with the Muggle mechanics of the automobile, but we weren't worried about being the first ones to the airport. We knew if we took our time and figured out how the automobile worked, we would be fine.

"HOW THE *BEEP* DO YOU WORK THIS *BEEP*ING THING?" Lucius screams as he sits in the driver's seat.

"Dear, screaming is not going to help the situation," Narcissa calmly tells him. "Now look here." She holds up a book. "This should help us."

"Muggles are so *beep*ing stupid! How do they use these *beep*ing things?" Lucius seethes.

"Dad! You're supposed to stop at a red light, remember?" George screams as Arthur nearly makes it through a yellow light.

"No, no, son, when it's yellow, you're supposed to speed up," Arthur chuckles.

Xenophilius is very cautious with his car, tapping on the gas, then stepping on the brake, and repeating the process. There are lots of angry drivers behind them, but it gets them to the airport eventually.

Ron and Hermione (in first place) run to the ticket counter immediately followed by Harry and Draco (in second place) once they reach Heathrow.

"What's your soonest flight to Paris?" Hermione asks the agent, breathlessly.

The woman clicks away at her computer. "We have a flight on Air France that leaves in an hour and a half."

"We'll take it!" Ron exclaims.

After the woman prints out their tickets, Draco tells her, "We want the same thing they got."

"Hi, Ron," Harry says as Ron and Hermione leave the counter.

Ron pretends he doesn't hear him; Hermione gives Harry a sympathetic look.

Fleur and Bill (in third place) and Lavender and Padma (in fourth place) are the next to get their tickets, following by McGonagall and Slughorn (in fifth place).

Confession Cam:

Says Slughorn, "You should have seen the Muggles at the airport staring at Minerva and me rushing up to the ticket counter. You know they had never seen people that old move so fast!"

"I didn't know I could move that fast!" laughs McGonagall.

Even though they have some trouble, Luna and Xenophilius and Lucius and Narcissa finally manage to make it to Heathrow and purchase their tickets.

Confession Cam:

"I've never been around so many Muggles in my life," says Lucius with a shudder. "It was truly revolting."

"Now what's this?" asks Slughorn as the teams start to go through security.

"I suspect they're making sure we don't have any Wrackspurts in our heads," Luna replies.

Slughorn roars with laughter. "Have I told you your daughter is absolutely delightful?" he asks Xenophilius. "Because that's what she is! Absolutely delightful!"

All teams are now on the same flight from London to Paris.

Confession Cam:

Exclaims Arthur, "This was my first time in an airplane! It was amazing! And a bit terrifying! I don't understand how something that weighs so much can stay up in the air for that long!"

As soon as the plane lands at Charles de Gaulle airport, the teams rush out to find taxis. Lavender and Padma are the first to get one.

"Sir, do you know where the Statue of Liberty is? The one in Paris, I mean?" asks Lavender.

"Oui, oui," he replies and they put their stuff in the trunk and hop in the car.

"Jardin du Luxembough, s'il vous plait," Hermione tells her driver as Fleur tells hers the same.

"Follow them!" Draco tells his driver, pointing to Hermione's and Ron's cab. "They know where they're going."

"Good sir, we are looking for a statue that is full of liberty," Slughorn tells his driver.

"The Statue of Liberty," McGonagall corrects as they climb into their taxi.

Everyone else is also getting into taxis, either asking their driver if they know where the Statue of Liberty is located or telling their drive to follow another cab.

Confession Cab:

Says Lavender, "Paris is such an amazing city and if we weren't on this race, we'd be shopping along the Champs d'Elysees or sampling one of the world's finest desserts."

Confession Cam:

Exclaims Arthur, "It was so amazing being in a huge Muggle city like Paris! Everywhere I looked, there were people talking on their felly tones. Except the ones they were talking on are called cellulite tones, I think."

"Cellular," George corrects. "Angelina has one she uses to talk to her Muggle friends with."

"Please hurry," Narcissa tells their driver. "We're in a race."

"Actually, I'd prefer if you'd take your time," Lucius replies.

Narcissa turns sharply to her husband. "Do you want us to come in last place and get eliminated?"

"Actually, yes," Lucius replies. "Then we wouldn't have to be in this insipid race anymore and have to do deal with moronic Muggles."

Their cab driver gives them an odd look.

"But we could win a million galleons!" Narcissa exclaims.

"Oh, please," Lucius scoffs. "You know that's nothing to us. We're already rich, Narcissa!"

"I am not allowing you to get us eliminated! Not on the first leg!" Narcissa cries, determined.

Confession Cam:

Cries Fleur, "Eet was so exciting to be een Paris again! Eet 'ad been so long since I last visited Paris. Eet eese just as beautiful as I remember eet! Oh, Beeell, eesn't eet a romantic city? We should 'ave a 'ouse 'ere!"

"It is beautiful," Bill agrees, "though I don't know if we can afford a house in Paris!"

"Everywhere I looked, I kept shouting out ze names of ze landmarks as we passed zem," Fleur says. "'Zere's ze Eiffe Tower, zere's ze Arc de Triomphe!' I kept shouting! Eet was magnificent!"

Confession Cam:

Explains Xenophilius, "Luna and I have been on many adventures ourselves, so traveling to a foreign isn't anything...foreign to us. Oh, look, I made a pun!"

Says Luna, "Though we haven't traveled to many Muggle cities. French Muggles aren't so nice, though. They kept pointing at me and laughing just because they don't appreciate my fashion sense. Paris is a beautiful city, though."

Lavender and Padma and Bill and Fleur are the first to reach the the clue box by the Statue of Liberty replica at the Luxembourg Gardens followed closely by Ron and Hermione and Harry and Draco.

"Detour," Bill reads as he takes out one of the envelopes.

A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In this Detour, teams must choose between Climb It or Find It. In Climb It, teams take a taxi to the Eiffel Tower where they must climb all six hundred plus stairs to the second base, then take the elevator up the rest of the way where they then must find a mime to give them their next clue, then climb all the way down. The task is extremely physical and waiting for an elevator might take awhile, but more athletic teams should find the task pretty easy. In Find It, teams must make their way to the Louvre. Once there, they will be given the name of a piece of art they must find. Not so easy considering the Louvre is the largest art museum in the world and houses over 35,000 pieces of art. Teams are allowed to use maps and may ask for help, but not even native Parisians may know where an item is located.

" I say we do Climb It," Bill says and Fleur nods in agreement.

"Definitely Climb it," Draco tells Harry who also nods.

Confession Cam:

Says Draco, "I knew Climb It was the best choice for Harry and me. We're both quite athletic since we regularly play Quidditch and-"

"And engage in other activities that are quite physical," Harry finishes with an impish smile.

"And you say I'm bad!" Draco clucks his tongue at him.

"Yeah, let's do Climb It," Padma says. "I think that one will be easier, plus I want to see the Eiffel Tower!"

"Me too!" giggles Lavender.

"Ron, I think we should do Find It," Hermione tells her partner. "I've been to the Louvre a few times before and I can find my way around with a map pretty easily.

"Okay," Ron agrees.

Confession Cam:

Confesses Ron, "I actually thought the other Detour would be easier, but I know Hermione's smart enough to find her way around that huge museum and most of all, I didn't want to keep following Harry and his gel-haired, money-loving boyfriend."

Hermione rolls her eyes at the camera.

"Hermione, did you just roll your eyes?"

"Of course not, dear," she replies sweetly.

While those three teams continue on to their desired Detour, Luna and Xenophilius and George and Arthur reach the clue box.

"Climbing that huge tower!" exclaims Xenophilius. "I'll never be able to do that; not on these old legs! Besides, I've always wanted to visit that famous museum."

They leave for the Louvre.

"Dad, what do you think we should do?" asks George. "Do you think you can handle walking up over six hundred stairs?"

"Of course!" Arthur exclaims. "We live at the Burrow; that is a tall structure as well!"

"Uh, I don't think that's quite the same as the Eiffel Tower," George begins, but his dad is already marching towards the famous landmark.

When Ron and Hermione reach the Louvre, they are given the name of a piece of art they are suppose to find.

"Find the art piece that is a large bottle with vine leaf decorations dated from the late Meroitic period, second to third century A.D.," Hermione reads.

"We have to find a bottle in this place?" Ron exclaims.

Confession Cam:

Says Ron, "When we got to the Louvre, it was huge, absolutely huge. It was also packed with Muggles. I guess they really like looking at that Lisa Mona painting. I don't even know why; none of their paintings even moved! Pretty dull if you ask me!"

"I already explained to you it was a large museum, remember?" Hermione turns to him, exasperated. "And it's called the Mona Lisa. I was also hoping the piece we would be looking for would be that or the Venus de Milo since those are the two most popular pieces at the museum and I wasn't familiar with the piece of art we had to look for."

They acquire a map and start asking people if they know where they might find the piece.

Meanwhile, Arthur and George have arrived at the Eiffel Tower, which Harry and Draco have already passed Bill and Fleur halfway up. Padma and Lavender are steadily right behind them.

Confession Cam:

Breathes Fleur, "Eet was so wonderful to be at ze Eiffel Tower! And I got so many admiring glances from ze Muggle tourists. Right away zey knew I was French because only someone as beautiful as me can be from such a beautiful country!"

"Oh, look at those time pieces in the shape of the tower!" Arthur exclaims, distracted by a gift shop nearby. "Your mother would love one!"

George pulls him back. "Not now, Dad. We're in a race, remember? We need to head to the top."

Arthur tilts his head back and shades his eyes. "We have to climb the stairs all the way up there! My, that is certainly a tall tower!"

"Actually the stairs only go up to the second base," George explains. "So it's not as bad as it looks."

They begin the trek up.

After a slow start with their taxi, Slughorn and McGonagall finally reach the Luxembourg Gardens.

Confession Cam:

Explains McGonagall, "Even though we got a taxi at the same time as the other teams, our driver was a bit confused. I was a little worried when I noticed that flask hidden under his seat."

"He took a few wrong turns and almost run over a few pedestrians, but since everyone in Paris drives like a maniac, nobody gave any notice!" laughs Slughorn. "And we finally reached our destination, no harm done."

"I say we do Find It," McGonagall suggests after reading the Detour. "There's no way we could handle walking up the Eiffel Tower at our age."

"To the Louvre!" cries Slughorn.

Lucius and Narcissa reach the clue box at the same time the former Hogwarts professors leave.

Lucius dusts off his long, black coat. "Ugh! I have Muggle filth all over me! I have never been so revolted in my life!"

Narcissa ignores him, reading the clue. "Do you want to go to the Eiffel Tower or the Louvre?" she asks him.

"Whichever is crawling with less Muggles," he replies.

"They're both popular Muggle tourist attractions," she tells him, "but the Louvre is bigger so you're less likely to touch one there."

"Then we shall go to the Louvre," Lucius decides.

Confession Cam:

Utters Lucius, "Honestly, going to a place crawling with Muggles? This is my idea of my own personal Hell. And I thought we'd be traveling to magical places?"

"They told us we'd be traveling to both magical and Muggle places," his wife reminds him.

At the Louvre, Ron and Hermione aren't having any luck finding the decorative bottle until they ask a middle-aged woman.

"I zink you might find zat een ze Egyptian Antiquities Collection," she tells them in a strong French accent. She points out the direction to them.

As Ron and Hermione race towards their desired location, Luna and Xenophilius are looking for a painting entitled "Conversation in a Park," an oil painting by Thomas Gainsborough.

"There must be something wrong with these paintings!" Mr. Lovegood exclaims loudly as they pass many portraits, trying to find the one they are looking for. "The people inside of them aren't even moving!"

He receives odd looks from the Muggles who can speak English. Even the non-English ones can tell he's a bit loony.

"Dad!" Luna hisses, "This is a Muggle museum, remember?"

At the Eiffel Tower, Harry and Draco receive their next clue from a mime atop the Eiffel Tower, with Bill and Fleur and Padma and Lavender on their heels. They race down before opening the envelope. On their way down, they pass George and Arthur.

"Hey, Dad, hey, George," Bill greets them.

"Roadblock," Harry reads, opening the clue.

A Roadblock is a task only one team member may perform. Once a team member has been selected, they cannot switch.

"Who's ready for a taste of French? You do it," Harry tells Draco. "You're more familiar with France than I am."

"I will do eet," Fleur tells Bill.

"Um, you do it," Padma tells Lavender.

In this Roadblock, one team member must find Chez Vincent, a restaurant on Rue de Guerres des Etoiles. Once there, the selected team member must take the orders of four hungry patrons and repeat it to the chef, all in French. Once they have the order complete, then they will get their next clue.

"You got this, babe!" Bill tells his wife.

"Beeell!" Fleur exclaims. "Je parle francais! Je sais francais! Je suis francais!"

Confession Cam:

Says a smug Fluer, "Beell eese very lucky to 'ave a partner een zis race oo's from France. I am ze only one on zis race oo's fluent een French."

"Do you know French?" Harry asks Draco, worried.

"A little bit, but not much," Draco replies.

The three teams find taxis to take them to Rue de Guerres des Etoiles. In the meantime, Ron and Hermione and Luna and her father have found the art pieces they are looking for.

"I'll do the Roadblock; I know some French," Hermione offers.

Bill and Fleur (in first place) and Harry and Draco (in second place) and Padma and Lavender (in third place) arrive at Chez Vincent just before Ron and Hermione (in fourth place). Fleur, Draco, Lavender, and Hermione are each given a table of four who all sprout out their orders in quick French. Fleur confidently takes their orders and heads back to the chef and recites the orders.

"Tres bien!" he beams, handing her the clue.

"All right, babe!" Bill says when Fleur comes running out where he and Padma are standing between a silent Harry and Ron.

Fleur hands Bill the envelope and he tears it open. "Make your way to the Pit Stop, Sacre-Couer in Montmartre!"

Confession Cam:

Says Bill, "I was very happy to see Fleur come out with the clue. Not just because she was the first to complete the task, because we all knew she would, but standing between Ron and Harry was just very awkward."

"Come on, Hermione," Ron mutters. He refuses to look at Harry, that traitor!

"Ron..." Harry begins, but Ron is truly grateful when he sees his wife emerge with the clue.

"I got it!" she exclaims, her cheeks flushed with excitement. "Luckily I knew that poisson means fish and pommes des frites means french fries-"

"Great, Hermione, let's go!" Ron interrupts, happy to get out of there.

Once again, Hermione gives Harry a sympathetic look before hurrying after Ron.

Meanwhile, back at the Louvre...

"Find the sculpture of The Soldier of Marathon announcing victory," McGonagall reads from the envelope. While they search for the sculpture, Lucius and Narcissa arrives.

Confession Cam:

Says Lucius, "Never in my life had I seen so many Muggles in one place. And this museum was colossal! You'd think in a place that big, you could avoid having to touch one of those dirty Muggles, but it was near impossible! I must take a bath as soon as possible for I am covered in Muggle filth!"

"We need to find the Mona Lisa," Narcissa tells Lucius.

"I know where the Mona Lisa is!" exclaims a young Muggle who overheard them. "I can take you to her!"

Lucius groans.

Arthur and George arrive at Chez Vincent for the Roadblock at the same time as Xenophilius and Luna. Draco and Lavender have received their next clues.

Confession Cam:

Says Xenophilius, "We decided that Luna should be the one to do the Roadblock as she is a master of languages! Why, she is practically fluent in Elvish!" He beams proudly at his daughter.

Luna, along with George, who is doing the Roadblock for his team, head to their designated tables to take orders.

"Je prendrai les poissons et les haricots verts," said the first patron.

"Je prendrai le bifteck et les pommes des frites," said the second patron.

"Je veux le poulet avec de la puree de pommes de terre et la sauce au jus," said the third patron.

"Et je prendrai le potage du jour," said the fourth patron.

Luna stares at them blankly, blinking her large, round eyes. She had not taken in account to writing down the orders phonetically like George is doing, thus giving George and Arthur the clue before Luna and Xenophilius.

Confession Cam:

Confesses Luna, "I guess I'm not as good at languages as I thought I was, especially Muggle foreign languages."

"I see Lee!" Fleur exclaims as she and Bill got out of their taxi and made their way up the steps of the Sacre-Couer.

Holding hands, they both jump on the mat where Lee is standing next to a man wearing a beret, black-and-white striped shirt, and a pencil-thin mustache.

"Bonjour!" he tells them. "Bienvenue a Paris, France."

"Thank you," Bill tells him as Fleur replies, "Merci!"

"Bill and Fleur, you are team number..." Lee pauses dramatically, "ONE!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! We won! We won!" exclaims Fleur.

"Good job, babe," Bill says kissing his wife.

"Now as the winners of this leg of the race, you've won a trip for two to the Cote d'Azur and you can enjoy that after the race," Lee tells them.

"Oh, 'ow marvelous!" Fleur exclaims.

... "Ron and Hermione, you are team number two!"

"Not bad, not bad," Ron says putting his arm around Hermione and giving her a hug.

... "Harry and Draco, you are team number three!"

Harry and Draco give each other a high-five. "Team Quagmire!" they shout simultaneously.

From the sidelines, Ron rolls his eyes.

... "Lavender and Padma, you are team number four!"

Lavender is panting loudly from all the stairs she's just climbed.

... "Arthur and George, you are team number five!"

"Whoo!" Arthur exclaims.

... "Xenophilius and Luna, you are team number six!"

"A perfectly acceptable number," Xenophilius replies.

Slughorn and Narcissa are doing the Roadblocks for the two remaining teams (since Slughorn insisted and Lucius didn't want anything to do with Muggles).

Confession Cam:

Groans Lucius, "If I had known this Roadblock had anything to do with speaking French, I would have done it and mucked it up just so we could get eliminated. Of course my wife had to remember the French she learned as a girl and we got our blasted clue before the other team. We were this close to getting eliminated, this close!"

... "Lucius and Narcissa, you are team number seven!"

"Oh, that was close!" exclaims Narcissa.

Lucius just grumbles.

When McGonagall and Slughorn finally reach the mat, Lee gives them a long, sympathetic look. "Minerva and Horace, I'm sorry to tell you, you are the last team to arrive and you have been eliminated from the race."

McGonagall sighs heavily. "I was expecting that."

"We were hoping to go further, but you can only get so far when you're our age," Slughorn adds.

"I think Dumbledore would be proud of us, regardless," replies McGonagall.

Next time, on the Astonishing Race: teams travel to their first magical location, tension still stirs between Harry and Ron, and will Fleur become jealous when she meets a creature more beautiful than she is?


End file.
